Bastard with a Hammer A judge working a double-homicide case tells the defendant, Youre charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer. You bastard! yells a voice from the back of the courtroom. Youre also charged with killing your mother-in-law with a hammer, says the judge. Bastard! the same person yells. The judge addresses the man sitting in the back of the courtroom. Sir, one more outburst and Ill charge you with contempt.

Im sorry, Your Honor, says the man. But Ive been this bastards neighbor for 10 years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didnt have one.