You might be a redneck if.. More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. You think the stock market has a fence around it. You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.