The hero of our story, let's just call him D**k, swaggers in one sunny summer day to find his grandfather sitting in the den watching Oprah. Seeing his normally quiet grandson all puffed up and proud, he asks him "Why the big grin there junior?" "Well grandpa......... I just had my first f**k!" "Way to go boy! Sit down here with me and tell me all about it." D**ks' smile falters as he sheepishly admits "Uhh, I can't.

My ass is too sore."