Five Levels of a Hangover One Star HangoverNo pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well.However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way.For some reason, you are craving a steakamp fries.
Two Star HangoverNo pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you havethemental capacity of a staple gun.
The coffee you are chugging is onlyincreasingyour rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the3:00 AM Waffle House excursion.
There is some definite havoc being wreakeduponyour bowels. Three Star HangoverSlight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.Anytime a girlman walks by you gag because herhis perfumecologne remindsyouof the flavoured schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.Lifewould be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke--- yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star HangoverLife sucks.
Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else youmight puke.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has givenyou a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hidethe fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it lookslike you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.
Your eyes look likeone big red vein and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetualspasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings waterto the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom. Five Star Hangover You have a second heartbeat in your head, which isactually annoying the employee who sits next to you.
Vodka vapour is seepingout of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in thecorners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get theremnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generatesaliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea whothe hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt todefecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid witharare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seemsto be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty goodabout right now... THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder LoquaciousTransubstantiates THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.Nope, no more booze for me.Sorry, but you're not really my type.Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight.Oh, I just couldn't.No one wants to hear me sing.Sorry I'm being such a jackass |
