Monica Lewinski called me the other day asking for advice. She said she looked in the mirror and thought she looked fat. Said she was planning to get a boob job, and asked if I thought it would make her look better. I said yes, but asked her why she wanted to get a boob job. I told her all she had to do was take a little piece of toilet paper, fold it and wipe it between her boobs a couple of times a day.

She asked how that would make her boobs bigger, and I replied I don't know, Monica, but it seems to have worked on your ass.